It hurts, but it’s worth it

Nobody gets out of here unscathed. Let’s admit it—by the time we are born we are already a little dent and blem. In utero we have already incurred a certain amount of trauma whether it’s residual from generational stuff or whether it’s from our human host eating way too spicy Thai food. There’s a bit of grace baked into human development, however, in that our consciousness is a bit dull and sleepy when we are young. Childhood can be a temporary respite from facing the truly hard existential questions of life or the truly upending life events—for those of us who are lucky and born into a safe and resourced enough set of circumstances. When questions arise in childhood about why hardships exist, the young child can usually be pacified with a fun distraction, a simple answer, a hug, or some milk and cookies. At some point in any life, however, each person will eventually experience what Franciscan spiritual leader, Richard Rohr, refers to as one of the Big 6.

A Big 6 experience is something so huge that it breaks your framework for explanations. The 6 categories of experiences that can shatter your worldview are: love, death, suffering, sexuality, infinity, or an encounter with the numinous. This Big 6 event is the moment when we reach the edge of our psychological or spiritual skill set and our explanations and ability to make meaning fall short. In this moment, each of us has the opportunity to embark on a unique journey—one that will cause us to authentically navigate and not merely accept or pay lip service to an established path or prefabricated set of answers. Mythically speaking, this is what Joseph Campbell (and other mythological studies experts) calls the Hero’s Journey. When our framework or worldview no longer suffices, this is our call to discover our monomyth and to set out on our psychological or spiritual Hero’s Journey.

What does it mean to heed the call? I think that’s a personal discovery and will look different for everyone. I do think, though, that it begins with opening your heart and your mind. If you shut your heart and mind and believe you already know the path or that there is no path beyond an unpoetic existence of having a pulse until you don’t—then you may miss out on a deep and rich psychological and spiritual journey. In order to become who we can be if we realize our full potential, we do need to let our heartache crack us open to let our souls (or psyches) express and seek the meaning it craves.

Sidenote: If the word “spiritual” freaks you out, then just read “psychological.” The words soul, spirit, and psyche have been interchangeable in the literature regarding psychology, philosophy, and spirituality for thousands of years.

Sometimes there is an initial resistance and a moment of hesitation to heed the call of the Hero’s Journey. As one approaches the threshold of change—the departure from what they’ve always known—the desire to stay put can be appealing. The reluctance to answer the call could be due to a sense of duty or obligation to the status quo, fear of change, or any number of reasons that a person would rather not go on such an adventure. A temporary set back is not a problem, as the hero can still embark when they realize that this is their destiny calling. However, if the person refuses to answer the call finally, Campbell does not mince words about what he thinks will happen. It’s grim:

“Walled in boredom, hard work, or ‘culture,’ the subject loses the power of significant affir­mative action and becomes a victim to be saved. His flowering world becomes a wasteland…and his life feels meaningless …All he can do is create new problems for himself and await the gradual approach of his disintegration (taken from the Hero with a Thousand Faces). 

What exactly am I talking about when I encourage you to go on a spiritual or psychological journey? I’m saying—open your heart, do the inner work, ask the questions, challenge how you’ve always done things, disagree with the mainstream (corporate culture, pop culture, religious culture, whatever your mainstream is), honestly self reflect, and most of all: listen to your very own soul. Let your own soul have a voice and get quiet enough to hear it. What is it saying? What does it need?

We all have innate gifts within us—to mine and realize them we need to nourish the needs of our soul. According to Paul K. Chappelle, a Peace Literacy advocate and educator, there are 9 spiritual cravings (or psychological needs) that are an innate part of the human soul (or psyche). The 9 spiritual cravings are 1) purpose and meaning 2) nurturing relationships 3) expression 4) inspiration 5) belonging  6) self worth 7) challenge 8) transcendence. How much we weight these different needs will likely vary from person to person, stage of life, and circumstances.

Now, just like how when we get hungry we could eat something nourishing or we could eat something toxic, how we meet these 9 spiritual needs can be healthy or not. There are some very unhealthy ways to try to meet these needs. For example, this is one reason cults are a big hit. Well, maybe I’m the only one, but I am like a moth to the flame when it comes to extreme cultures and groups. My high needs for purpose and meaning, a sense of belonging, and transcendence can lead me right to the cults. Even if it’s like a one man band, sometimes I’m the only one living like I’m in my very own cult. I always realize I’ve landed in a cult-like frame of mind or group when I’m being super restrictive with my life (in terms of food, media, or influences that don’t singularly reflect whatever I’m consumed with at the moment).

Or another way a need that often gets tangled up is the need for transcendence so people abuse drugs.

However, if we keep our inner compass set to our true North, I believe that we can navigate our way. So, an important question is, what is your true North? Mine is Love. I believe that my moral compass doesn’t have to rely on following step by step GPS instructions when I allow my conscience to be aligned with the dynamic flow of Love. I will likely blaze my own trail, but that’s the excitement of true discovery and exploration. When you figure out what your true North is, you can set your compass and blaze your own trail. And that doesn’t mean I don’t need some assistance sometimes. A good friend, a therapist, a mentor of some sort—we don’t have to go it alone. But, I do think sometimes we don’t give our innate ability to find our path enough credit (I’m talking psychologically; in terms of physical navigation I’m doomed without googlemaps).

Campbell explains the situation for those of us who decide to take up this call to be trailblazers: 

“They’ve moved out of the society that would have protected them, and into the dark forest, into the world of fire, of original experience. Original experience has not been interpreted for you, and so you’ve got to work out your life for yourself. Either you can take it or you can’t. You don’t have to go far off the interpreted path to find yourself in very difficult situations. The courage to face the trials and to bring a whole new body of possibilities into the field of interpreted experience for other people to experience—that is the hero’s deed.” (Taken from The Power of Myth)

If you are reading this and it’s resonating with you, you are probably a free thinking, self growth cowboy (all genders can be included in that description) or perhaps you’re a sensitive artist in desperate need of a spiritual reboot. Again, if the word “spiritual” freaks you out, think of it as your psyche, your soul, the part of your being that is not flesh and blood but is arguably the most real component of you. 

It’s wild west territory to go spiritually rogue, and it’s definitely not for everyone. It is also not always an option for everyone. There are some phases of life or situations in life that demand almost all your attention or resources just to survive. That is really difficult, and if you’re in that place, then I hope you can find at least some small way to honor one need of your soul. Maybe it’s doing one creative thing per week (expression). Maybe it’s having an authentic conversation with a good friend (nurturing relationships). Maybe it’s meditating in nature or writing in your journal (transcendence and expression). Maybe it’s trail running or learning a new skill or discipline (challenge).

Listening to your soul, even if you have the resources to do so, and letting it express what it needs—that takes courage. To find your path in the bigger scheme of life, you need your soul to be healthy and your psychological/spiritual needs to be well met.  It’s a worthy endeavor to be psychologically healthy and to live an authentic life, however, and I think it’s more critical than ever that people acknowledge their psychological/spiritual needs. We are born with these needs just like we were are born with biological needs. And just like we have instincts to seek the resolution to our physical needs (i.e., we are born with hunger, and there is food; we were born with thirst, and there is water) we were born with a soul that has spiritual and psychological needs, and there are solutions out there for those needs to be met. 

Caution: It hurts. Allowing yourself to listen to your soul, allowing yourself to feel the pain and the ache of the needs not met is not for the faint of heart. To acknowledge suffering and struggle and yet still work to have wonder, curiosity, and hope that there is also beauty, love, and meaning here in this world to fill your soul’s cup when it runs dry—this is not an easy path. But this is the sacrifice that every committed artist makes; they allow themselves to feel. They allow the world to affect them, rather than steeling themselves, numbing their soul, or being resolutely apathetic in an effort to stave off the pain of truly being alive. And after all, our life is our greatest masterpiece, so let’s live like the most courageous artists we can be.